if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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