R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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