Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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