I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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