Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
