so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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