tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
