Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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