and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i came on her dog
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
