i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
