she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
