I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize