Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
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