I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My ATM looks so different sober.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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