4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
honey bunches of taint.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
