I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
