i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
