party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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