No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
