Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
