absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
