I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
