My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This baby is an asshole
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
