It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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