girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
