you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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