That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
