There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
