capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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