She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
the liver wants what the liver wants
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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