Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize