If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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