david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
