I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I love having hate sex.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize