Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
