If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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