goodnight i made you a song goodbye
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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