My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
