were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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