do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
