I am puke
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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