i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
