the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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