"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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