i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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