the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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