I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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