There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
