Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
