sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
