dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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