mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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