She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
