So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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