you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
