What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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