right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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