Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We are two peas in an std pod
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
