ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Randomize
