I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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