Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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