is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
