omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
