Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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