Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
