Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
