She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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