ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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