ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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