please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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