If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
