I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Boobs speak an international language.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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