I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
