This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
