she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
