i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We're not piercing ourselves today.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
