shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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