Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
