Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
