Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
