ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
