Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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