it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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