Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize