And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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