he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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