It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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