i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
