Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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