He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
