you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
