Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
