I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize