all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
